You’re not good enough. You’ll never get published. You should just stop writing.  You’re a coward. Just write and stop being afraid.  

As writers we’ve all battled these types of thoughts at some point in our careers. The madness stems from our need to be the best at everything we do, something that gets cultivated during childhood.

For some authors it’s a constant mental drain on their resources, like a water faucet that never gets turned off. Others wrangle their way through self-destructive thoughts by remembering their past successes or by using some other self-reaffirming method.

But why can’t we just be satisfied?

Because our inner critic or Foe never takes a break. Often it feels like we’re rebelling against ourselves when every little thing we do or don’t do gets a self-critique that leaves us feeling less than. We evaluate our behaviors and abilities and then feel angry or disappointed. If we don’t meet our daily writing goal, we feel as if we’ve let ourselves down.

Remember those past successes I mentioned above? Well, there’s another voice inhabiting our heads—our Friend, our defender. It loves to remind us of how well we’ve done in the past, how good a person we are. It’s kinder. It encourages us to show compassion to ourselves.

You did your best, be proud of yourself. Writing three hundred words is better than writing no words.  These tidbits of wisdom come from the Friend. Like a mighty defender, it marches to our defense with comforting thoughts.

Unfortunately, these rational thoughts usually get drowned out by the Foe. Every attempt to escape the little bugger is thwarted. It seems to gain momentum with every reassuring word. You did your best, be proud of yourself becomes Who are you kidding, idiot? Your best will never be good enough.

This vicious cycle/blame game plays out in our minds because our standards are often too high. When we fail or fall short of the goal, we criticize ourselves. Then we mount up our mental forces to defend ourselves. We make promises, set more goals, do anything to help us feel better in the moment. Learning to ignore the Foe requires a calm and distancing approach, but it’s not unachievable when we practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness means stopping long enough to look at yourself objectively with a calm head and compassion. Taking this step back gives us a chance to view our thoughts and emotions from a distance. As we practice, this detached space helps us to pay attention to what we’re doing or thinking and to react without judgement. We rely more on conscious decision making and conscious thoughts to see ourselves clearer.

One way to achieve mindfulness is to practice mindfulness mediation. It strengthens our ability to be mindful of the moment we are in, the space where we are in control and not the Friend or Foe. Therefore, I encourage you to practice mindful mediation every day for at least thirty minutes, in the beginning. Doing so will help you control your inner critic. If you need help getting started check out this website on mindful meditation.